Why??

I should not have lost temper. But i did it again. But there was a reason for it.
I could not handle when she lied to me on something. It hurt me. I could not digest it. I lost my way. She could have easily told me the truth, i would have left without
complaining to anyone. But lie nfrom her, i can never digest. I am down and out
now. I dunno what to do. I am seriously hurt. I cant do anything even if i wanted to. Sitting here like a numb person. I know it was my expectations which hurt me and not her. It was not something else. I know i would be ignored no matter however she tries to convince me. I should have known that earlier as well. But heart is so soft mild that it believes things which it wants its way to be happening. Very seldom real mind has a role here. Everytime it is the heart who is ruling ot the brain which is causing my downfall. I really hate leaving her. Infact i can't even think of doing that now. But again the way i am getting hurt is no thelping me either. This is a very big dilemma. No wonder why people crack under this kind of pressure. I should have never met her. That's the biggest mistake i did in this. I don't know it was a coincidence but i was the one who initiated the conversation with her. She never asked me to do so. So its fair enough that i take all the pain. Even if she was lying i shudnt have been rude to her. She was sick yesterday. I didnt even take care of it. I think if i can ever take control of emotion regarding the fact that she will not be mine i can get over her. I will find a quote myself to over come that. This is the final time EVER i will be pissed off with her
no matter even if she does something which HURTS me. EVER EVER EVER i will not hurt her anymore. Never again, Ever. And when feel like you would be pissed off just remember these words,"IT IS HER HAPPINESS THAT'S IMPORTANT AND NOT MINE". She be happy with whatever she is doing would be the things that can happen. No more complaints , no more demands..!!!!i love you still.

Words from the heart

In my garden of memory

only one flower is potrayed.

Whereever i turn i meet that face,

that picture in the walls of my memory.

even in my sleep, in my awaken state

i see only one dream, i have only one sorrow.

The shining stars in the sky at night

reminds me of your lovely eyes.

I wrote you in the leaves and flowers

like the shine of the sun.

you came in like a cloud in my valley.

You consoled me like music in my soul.

You stayed like a flame in the lamp of my heart.

You are the intone that my soul was searching for centuries.

You petrified me with your dazzling phenomenon.

I am the pigeon which is following your remarkable footsteps

to have a little sand which your footsteps left behind

to cherish for a lifetime.

Please don't ever let that footsteps disappear.

Comic idiot is the name

Well the name atleast has got its worth. Comic idiot will always remain so. The name was worth atleast by today. I got to know where i stand. All those hope i had has gone out of the window. The thing i feared just did happen. I dunno why i misbehaved. I can never be the same again.I hope she is just alright and be happy. I can never be with the same anymore with her. I hate being myself nowadays. I don't know what to do. I am really pissed off with all this. I knew it was gonna hurt. Once the night unfolded i knew how it was gonna fare off. And it has turned the same way as well. So what next, As i said try to forget everything. I know its not gonna be easy almost impossible. But i hope it should not be at all.

The Enigma called her

She is hurt. I dunno if she herself is responsible for it or someone else. But she is hurt. She feels she has been tortured all these years. But i tend to think differently, how can one judge parents just coz they are not like u. How can you think parents have no love for you. It's true that every parent wants their child to be good in life. But that "goodness" will have different meaning in each of them's book. They might not be like how the child wants. This can irritate the child. I purely believe this is just a misunderstanding here. Why dosen't she feel her parents dosen't like her. Is it because they wanted her to live the life they chose for her? or because she thinks her siblings are given more importance than her? or is it something like they have always been harsh to her and spanked her in front of everybody? There are answers for all these questions even if one of them proved to be a reason. ok, Regarding first one, you should be lucky to have parents who put child's ambitions and tastes ahead of their way of living the life. Those kind will be one in 100's. Most are like that. But again you have to understand that they think you would lead a happy life if you live the same success formula like them. That does not mean they hate you. Regarding the second point, Here again that sibling thing is kind of an overrated thingy. Because eventhough parents are bound to be equal to their children there would be that slant towards one over another. But again that does not mean they hate you. Ok, now to the third point, Being harsh. Yes, there has been times i felt my parents were being really harsh to me. I felt like quiting house. But understood with the nick of time that those were pointless thoughts. Because there would be times they would be harsh to you for eg: relating this to the first point i made ie they being selfish. Like thay can be harsh if don't pursue their way of living. That woould make you feel they hate you. But you will know the real them when you are in strife which they can understand or guage. Trust me you will be fine with them than being without them.

Last 3 days!!

Last 3 days have been eventful.I had a great time on saturday night with her. But Sunday
was gloomy. I didn't know what to say. Finally decided to quit the call. I think
maybe because of that she did call me very late yesterday night. I waited a long time and went to
sleep. She called at that time. And after sometime when i came back from sleep she did not respond to my messages. I
did not want to call her because you never know when she might be talking with her mom or dad. I did not
want to ruin her time. I was disappointed that i could not to her. I could not even sleep
properly. The feeling of not being able to talk to her and make her happy and see her laugh
was haunting me like hell. I had already promised myself i would never ever hurt her again. No matter
however she ignores me. I ignored every others for talking with her. Even my work sometimes.
I know that is not right. But i don't think there is anything more important to me than her happiness.
I am her greatest lover or i hope i am. The pain of she ignoring me does hurt
sometimes but i don't care about it. She ignores me because she might have found soemthing else which
might be making her happy. And my goal is nothing else otherthan seeing her happy.
Saturday night was really good. I saw many times her laughing. And it was one of the pleasant moments of my life if not
the best. I am losing myself. I don't know what will happen when she goes away. I will
surely restrain myself from doing anything harm. I hope so. I will still live like this.
Remembering all these wonderful times i spent with her. I think she kinda knows i like
her. Atleast she has a doubt. She keep questioning me for that. But i dont want to give away.
I know it will be very difficult for her to choose me. So i don't want to trouble her
with that sort of a dilemma. It will stay as it is and me as well.

Play still going on!!

The play is just going on as always. Whenever she says playfully you are singing for me
i denies. I just didn't give up. I wanted to, But i could not. She is a fantastic girl
and that idiot is bugging her still. I don't know how to react to that. I am pretty sure
one day they will unite again and i will have my way out. That is the mindset. Once
we get something more precious than the one we have, We will ignore the older one.
I talked her also about it when she said she will never ignore anyone. The fact of the matter
is everyone does. She also did to me as well. That was one of the most horiffying days of my life.
Which is why i wanted to stay away from her for a while. But i can't, i just can't.
I know i am gonna get hurt in this game but i still don't want to miss the days with her. Its so precious. When she asked me to marry her ie kidding ofcourse, i dunno for a moment i thought "wow how nice it would have been if she had asked me that in real". Well i know anyhow where i stay with her. Her dialogue of i have better one to patao says it all about me for her. But still i will love her forever and will be her greatest love ever. I know she will never get to know about it. But loving someone dosen't mean you have to be with them. You just have to know they are doing good and happy all their life. Its about making them happy. Its about helping when they are in misery. Its about watching them enjoy in joy. She will never know all my songs was for her. I deny all her talks about me and her and i dunno why maybe to help myself counter the pain which am gonna have once she goes away which is inevitable. She clearly said she wanted a guy upto 24.It was funny when she said it. But did make sense as well. Its always her choice and her wish which should prosper. I tried to like someone else. But both did nto work out for me. i just couldn't, this was the girl who is for me even if she is not with me, i will still have her in my mind and nothing soothens my mind better.Shes the one girl i could ever love in this world. I feel like crying like a small boy now. But i can'y i am old. And old peopleshould not cry even if their dreams are shattered. Dumb logic this is, i know. Hmm..hopefully everything goes good for her.

What is love?

Love is an eternal feeling that every human will encounter at least once in his/her life. Love can give you both amazing happiness and unending pain. To which part of this you belong will depend on your fate. But that pain still is sweet. And the happiness you get from it will stay with you life long. That feeling is just awesome. You will feel as if wind changed its direction and every part of breeze is coming towards you comforting you. You will never know you are between thousands and still feel alone.