Unconditional love!!!

The very first day i saw her in the chat room, i realized she was weird. She had an attitude which was different. An attitude which never cared of what others would think. She was randomly saying something in chat room and never really was actively involved in the general chat. Some mockers would mock her on something and she would always give a harsh answer which gave me the impression that she never ever cared what they had said. I was impressed. That's one

attitude girl. I still had my thoughts on whether to have an pm on her but restrained and it was not for long. One day i decided to ping her and i did. The response was friendly eventhough a bit of "never cared attitude" also with her. I asked her the picture,Ps: that was the first thing i do when i get into chat with girls those times and thought it was only for fun. she said, "yes fine". And she started to sent me a picture and i thought this was more easier than i thought and to my surprise there cam a picture of the ghost.I was kinda stunned but i liked it. The attitude

was evident there. Well i thought of asking to add her in my messenger list.But was reluctant to ask that straight away thinking that would give another opportunity to shine on it :-). The other guys in chat in the chat room would say, she was being kiddy or too kiddish. But i had my thoughts. This was some other kind of specimen i was looking at. And again i had a chat with her after some days. It was good. And this time i was able to add her to my list. She was

naughty and when i say naughty, very naughty indeed. But she was good. A big fan of Irfan Pathan, the cricketer. She would say she was the greatest fan of him eventhough i was sure she wasn't. And she was a quite a big fan of "cute" boys. I would always ask her to show her pic and she used to do the same thing of sending the ghost picture. But still it was fun. She ahd this genuine love for vampires probably inspired by the twilight movie. She loved Robert pattinson. And she does great music too. Truly gifted. But i was still curious in that early days of knowing who was on the other side whom you regularly talk with. But that just vanished away soon. After talking with her more and almost daily there was never need of any picture. She was becoming my best buddy altogether. And i slightly began to see a different girl. Something which was hidden behind that grumpy attitude which she shows off. She was caring and ofcourse naughty. Some where along the line i felt in love with her for the first time in my life. I never wanted to see her thinking that if she is beautiful someone would take her away from me. That would ruin my confidence. I was first thinking of infatuation. But how long can an infatuation stay. I realized it wasn't. There were few girls in my life whom i had pretented to be in love. But there was nothing matching this. None could really stole my sleep like how she did. She was amazingly talented in everything. Finally I got what i wanted from her. But she was way beyond me. She was gorgeous. The moment i saw her i realized that, i aM GONNA END UP IN TEARS.

which is what has happenend. And when she told me the first the time that she was on love with another guy, i was really pained. And somehow strangely i began to act weird because i did not wanted to believe it myself. So i started arguing with her saying that she was lying to me. But apparently she was not which i realized later. I did not know how to react. Everytime when i realized that she was not going to be mine i had really acted weird with her. Probably expressing my disappointment. I realized i was not doing right. But again even when i controlled that thought just creeped in and i used to act weird. I would storm out of the chat saying her nothing. But poor girl never ever showed her dissent to me for that even though i was pretty sure she did got hurt at some point. i still used to stay long hours at night just to get a glimpse of her. I stayed up late at night and still behaved as if i don't care about her. I just told to myself to forget. So i would sometimes come invisible or just won't come online at all. But still her thoughts really haunted me. I deleted her from my orkut account. So it dosen't remind me of her. Orkut has this stupid updates which pops up everytime someone changes their profiles. If she was in my account, i would definitely go and see her account. And in turn it would make me go haywire again. And these things could not have lasted long because i loved her and i could not stay away from her long. I loved her unconditionally. I didnt know hot to go about it and i know there are things in life which u would love to have but u dont get. She was one of those kind in my life. whenever she says she missed me my heart bleeds i wanted to say her that i missed her more than my life but i could not. The feeling of the undeserved has always haunted my feelings towards her. But atleast i pray that god always make her happy. She told me once that the time she had spent with her BF was the happiest days of her life. It was only about 2 months but she loves him unconditiionally and mine is nothing in front of that. I hope she gets her boy friend back and she keeps being happy just like she was during the time with him. I want to help her do that. I wanted to talk to that guy and say how much she loved her. But she never allowed me to. But yes, one day i will find that guy and make him realize this is the girl his life needs. This is the girl who will make his life colorful. This is the girl who love him like eternity. I always wanted to make her happy but i was never able to do it. Maybe because i loved her. I am sure god will be hearing me. He will give her to me at least in next birth. I would wait for that. Wait unconditionally. Even now when she is online i want to talk to her but i could not. I waited this whole night like a mad man just to talk to her thinking she would come at some point. and when is in now, i just don't know how to talk. And yes i am indeed mad about her.